Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
