Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
