I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
