I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
COCAINE IS GR8
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
