Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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