sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
