Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
