Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
