it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
