i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
