I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
