Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
