A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
