It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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