My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
