omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
