I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So here I am, sexting at work.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
