I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
