Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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