So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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