I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
