Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
