dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I currently don't understand fingers.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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