i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My bed smells like the plague
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
