CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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