who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
