So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
