so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They took my balls.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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