so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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