Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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