theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
