I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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