That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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