He disabled his match.com account in front of me
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
