Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
