ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
not ubering you a puppy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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