He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
