So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
