i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
