he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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