I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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