The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
