fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
