i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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