currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
