Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
