I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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