ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
