i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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