Duck Duck Cougar?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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