Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
