i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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