sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
