Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
