one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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