Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you had me at cake vodka
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
