1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.