is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.