we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
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Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE