i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
