i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize