Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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