Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize