I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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